|
|
 |
|
Patricia's Blog Spot
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
If You Don't Know,You Don't Want To Know, What It Feels Like To Lose A Child
Being a strong mother of five beautiful children, my life was cut down on December 29th 1989 to barely living.
I watched as my nineteen year old son lie in a coma for week, and so did I. He was hooked up to a respirator barely breathing
so was I?
I tried everything I could to be strong for my family.
The evening of January 5th 1990 my
son died and so did a part of me.
It was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. It felt as though someone ripped
my heart out, I was run over by a tractor trailer, it felt like someone was standing on my chest and I was gasping for air.
I went from a strong woman to a helpless child, ashamed of what the world would think of me. I didn't want to live,
but I knew those four little children that were staring at me needed me.
I felt I had to hide my grief, I had to
smile when I was crying inside, I had to stand when I wanted to fall to the ground and scream forever.
I wanted
so much to wake up, this be a bad dream, the closing of the casket helped me release this
was real, Kenny was dead.
There were mornings I couldn't move a muscle in my body, all I could do was lay there
and cry, my body felt so heavy.
Nothing made sense to me anymore. Why did Kenny have to die?
I waited
up for him months after his death, wishing he would walk through that door as he did so many times before. I kept his clothes
for years, every chance I got I would go to his room and sit on his bed, and take out a shirt and smell it and cry my heart
out.
A child murdered is a despicable act, not compared to that of a grieving mother. The pain, the shame,
the guilt, the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, the suicidal thoughts, all is too much to bare.
I knew if I
was going to ever live again I had to let go and let God. I did on December 29th 2007. I surrendered my son to God, so the
both of us could rest in peace.
Kenny was not just my son; he was my best friend in the world. He was such a respectful
young man. I will miss him forever.
Love your children, hug you children; I don't want no parent ever feel the
pain I felt.
This candle is a symbol of the light, I knew I would see at the end of my journey.
I am
thankful for a patience God.
I Went From A Home To Homelessness To Follow My Dream
I went from having
everything to having nothing believing one day my dream would come true.
I wanted more than anything in the world to
have my book published, I felt I had something to share with the world.
I had survived after the murder of my son.
I received a contract in May 2007 by July 2007, I was homeless.
I cried I couldn't understand, I had just
received a contract and now I am homeless.
I refused to give up on my dream. My family told me to come back home,
I said no.
I made a choice. I rather stay in the streets and survive my dream than to go home and my dream die. I lived
in the streets.
It was the hardest task I ever had to complete. It was my journey my test of faith if I was going
to make it.
I ate in that shop, I bathed in that shop, I cried in that shop, I prayed in that shop, because that
was my home for seven months.
I read :Matthew 21:22 God says All things, whatsoever I ask in prayer believing I
shall receive.
I knew A Silent Scream
would one day be published. It did while I was homeless.
I read Matthew 20:29- For everyone that hath forsaken
houses ,brothers ,or sisters,or mothers, or fathers, wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake shall receive and hundredfold,
and shall inherit everlasting life.
I knew God allowed me to be in the situation I was in for him to get the glory.
I was afraid of being homeless, I was tired of sleeping on the floor with a blanet over behind the curtains in a dressing,
I was afraid of not knowing how if I was going to eat or someone one would break in the shop and hurt me. I had faith.
Sometimes I got upset I cried but I never gave up. I got on my knees and prayed to God in the midst of my storm.
Sometimes It got so hard, I wanted to run back home, I stood still.
Mattew 8:24-26 is why I am standing her today.
There arose a great tempest in the sea, in so much that the ship was covered with the waves: but God was asleep
Matthew 8:25 And his disciples came to God, and woke him saying Lord,save us: we will die
Matthew 8:26 God said unto
them Why are you fearful, Oh ye of little faith? Then God arose, and rebuke the sea; and there was a great calm.
I knew in my situation I knew God was watching over me.
A Silent Scream is published and it is the pass to my
future.
Go to the extent to your dream, even it means going alone.
I wrote my next book surrounding
my trials and tribulation and I titled it
"Will My Morning Ever Come".
I don't write for sympathy
I write to share my blessing from God.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
>
Perseverance
Character Hope
Author Patricia Yarbrough.com all rights reserved. - patricia@authorpatriciayarbrough.com
Resources
|
|
|
|
