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Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Our Broken Promises To God Many of us have prayed to “God’
if you get me through this I will do this. God as he is a loving God a second chance , a third chance God he does what he
says he will do, he pulls you through, once you get through you forget your promise to God.
You may have asked God for a home,
you got in the home shut the door and forgot your promise to God. No-one knows but you and God what you
asked for, your promise to God cannot be altered. You may have asked for a car and said "God" if I get a car, and someone need a
ride, I will never tell them no. I know the struggles of not having a car. God blessed you with a car.
Next week someone asked
you for a ride and you tell them no, I don’t have time, you forgot your promise to God. There’s no compromising with God, he do expect you
to do what you say you are going to do. The world is full of broken promises to our God. If we kept our promises we can make the world a better
place. When God does what
you ask him for , don’t just thank him today, but forever. God expects us to keep our promise even if it cost us at a higher price. A Silent Scream was my promise to God, I said " to God" If I get the chance to see "A Silent Scream" published, I
would do whatever you want me too do, never realizing the power of what I said, I will do whatever you want me too, never
realizing the committment I made was going to be so costly.
I never dreamed of the sacrifices
I had to pay for the promise I made to God.
God heard my promise he answered my prayer, May 2006, I was offered
a contract for A Silent Scream.
I never thought the price I had to pay would cost me everything I owned in
my life. I surrender my soul, my heart my everything to God.
God says drop everything and follow me. I was afraid
in the beginning. I couldn't understand what was happening in my life. I was losing everything I owned in my life.
My lights were turned off, I lost my apartment, I lost everything in my apartment. l lost my car, I had nothing
left but me and God.
I realize this was my test from God. I was no longer afraid.
I asked
"God" Will My Morning Ever Come, where I no longer had to sleep on the floor in my failed business.
I
am no longer on the floor and I thank God everyday where I am today.
Will My Morning Ever Come was my testimony – I lost everything I owned, I became homeless, but I kept
my promise to God, not to my family. Many of them tried to alter my plan God had for me..
God kept his promise,
I will keep my promise, will you keep your promise to God today. Levititus -- 5:4-5 A broken promise is a sin
and will be judged by the Lord. God punishes the wicked.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
If You Don't Know,You Don't Want To Know, What It Feels Like To Lose A ChildBeing a strong mother of five beautiful children, my life was cut down on December 29th 1989 to barely living.
I watched as my nineteen year old son lie in a coma for week, and so did I. He was hooked up to a respirator barely breathing
so was I?
I tried everything I could to be strong for my family.
The evening of January 5th 1990 my
son died and so did a part of me.
It was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. It felt as though someone ripped
my heart out, I was run over by a tractor trailer, it felt like someone was standing on my chest and I was gasping for air.
I went from a strong woman to a helpless child, ashamed of what the world would think of me. I didn't want to live,
but I knew those four little children that were staring at me needed me.
I felt I had to hide my grief, I had to
smile when I was crying inside, I had to stand when I wanted to fall to the ground and scream forever.
I wanted
so much to wake up, this be a bad dream, the closing of the casket helped me release this
was real, Kenny was dead.
There were mornings I couldn't move a muscle in my body, all I could do was lay there
and cry, my body felt so heavy.
Nothing made sense to me anymore. Why did Kenny have to die?
I waited
up for him months after his death, wishing he would walk through that door as he did so many times before. I kept his clothes
for years, every chance I got I would go to his room and sit on his bed, and take out a shirt and smell it and cry my heart
out.
A child murdered is a despicable act, not compared to that of a grieving mother. The pain, the shame,
the guilt, the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, the suicidal thoughts, all is too much to bare.
I knew if I
was going to ever live again I had to let go and let God. I did on December 29th 2007. I surrendered my son to God, so the
both of us could rest in peace.
Kenny was not just my son; he was my best friend in the world. He was such a respectful
young man. I will miss him forever.
Love your children, hug you children; I don't want no parent ever feel the
pain I felt.
This candle is a symbol of the light, I knew I would see at the end of my journey.
I am
thankful for a patience God.
I Went From A Home To Homelessness To Follow My DreamI went from having
everything to having nothing believing one day my dream would come true.
I wanted more than anything in the world to
have my book published, I felt I had something to share with the world.
I had survived after the murder of my son.
I received a contract in May 2007 by July 2007, I was homeless.
I cried I couldn't understand, I had just
received a contract and now I am homeless.
I refused to give up on my dream. My family told me to come back home,
I said no.
I made a choice. I rather stay in the streets and survive my dream than to go home and my dream die. I lived
in the streets.
It was the hardest task I ever had to complete. It was my journey my test of faith if I was going
to make it.
I ate in that shop, I bathed in that shop, I cried in that shop, I prayed in that shop, because that
was my home for seven months.
I read :Matthew 21:22 God says All things, whatsoever I ask in prayer believing I
shall receive.
I knew A Silent Scream
would one day be published. It did while I was homeless.
I read Matthew 20:29- For everyone that hath forsaken
houses ,brothers ,or sisters,or mothers, or fathers, wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake shall receive and hundredfold,
and shall inherit everlasting life.
I knew God allowed me to be in the situation I was in for him to get the glory.
I was afraid of being homeless, I was tired of sleeping on the floor with a blanet over behind the curtains in a dressing,
I was afraid of not knowing how if I was going to eat or someone one would break in the shop and hurt me. I had faith.
Sometimes I got upset I cried but I never gave up. I got on my knees and prayed to God in the midst of my storm.
Sometimes It got so hard, I wanted to run back home, I stood still.
Mattew 8:24-26 is why I am standing her today.
There arose a great tempest in the sea, in so much that the ship was covered with the waves: but God was asleep
Matthew 8:25 And his disciples came to God, and woke him saying Lord,save us: we will die
Matthew 8:26 God said unto
them Why are you fearful, Oh ye of little faith? Then God arose, and rebuke the sea; and there was a great calm.
I knew in my situation I knew God was watching over me.
A Silent Scream is published and it is the pass to my
future.
Go to the extent to your dream, even it means going alone.
I wrote my next book surrounding
my trials and tribulation and I titled it
"Will My Morning Ever Come".
I don't write for sympathy
I write to share my blessing from God.
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2009.07.01 |
2009.03.01
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